whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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