i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
