He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
