Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
