He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
