wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
