but the lizard people decide everything anyway
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
