I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
