I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
