i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
