I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
