either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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