Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
