Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
