I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
