im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
