the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
