dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My room smells like vodka and shame
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
