I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
