I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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