I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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