Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
