i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
then he tried to convert me to islam
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
