i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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