Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
