WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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