Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
