I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
