I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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