I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
