so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
