just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
