It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He did a backflip because drugs
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
