margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Randomize
