the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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