Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
