these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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