it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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