I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
COCAINE IS GR8
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
