I got her a Nickelback box set.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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