You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
