Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
