i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
