i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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