I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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