The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
