Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
