so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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