Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
