If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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