you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
