Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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