aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
